MY DISEASE.HIS SURPRISE.

One thing I hate the most was me being surprised, and i know that others would always want to get surprises from their families and especially from their boyfriend or girlfriend. But for me, its like getting a heart attack every time. And it started when--

May 26,09 11:00PM

I sat on my desk, like my regular routine I checked my mail, Log in to facebook and friendster, then went to job hunting online. I was a bit worried when he didn't texted me several times this day, it's unlikely him. I was starting to think of a possible things of what could he be doing at this very moment, I'm getting suspicious.Was he too busy watching a movie or a show at his place, or was he encouraged by his friends to play basketball and got so enjoyed and that he was too tired to check his phone, or did he forgot about tomorrow.? Too many questions!! Too many possible ways!! Well, if he just in case really forgot about my birthday then I would give him a call and let him be reminded. I cannot focus on my routine, I am still thinking of him. Worried.Anxious.


Another minute had passed and it seems like an endless browsing over the net and my eyes are turning round and round.I was still not at ease just thinking of him, every time a silence breaks the room I can feel my overpounding heart, any minute from now I could be like a fish on the boat striving to get back to the water and helpless. What could be the cause of this commotion in me. I had never feel this way not until last November 08 which something bad happened to me together with my brother. A couple of boys threatened us and took all our cellphones, psp, and money which is an equivalent value for our lives.Bringing this topic is not an easy issue for me, just talking about it makes me fall into the scene again and puts terror in me of seeing my brother being held by one of the boys and a gun pointed on his head just make me feel so helpless and careless.And I would stop now talking about that terrifying moment.


Again, this feeling is so overpowering like a thunder willing to strike anytime, anywhere!I have this instinct, a woman's instinct if you may call it, an instinct that makes me feel so suspicious of everything his doing and sometimes, no--I always feel it right. And I don't want to be right every time, I would hope for a friend to talk to me whenever this feeling comes out,but there are no one I could talk to,.except for this media.I am starting to think that this could be my imaginary friend,thus I would call this "Alex". Now I'm talking or literally writing to Alex again and how I wish this media can respond to me.


My phone beep, and I was very exaggerated when I hurriedly run to get my phone which is in my room, I almost trip over the chair and had my head hit the floor but the excitement rule rejecting those pains.I unlocked my phone's security code and read the message immediately saying "Lumabas ka nasa labas na daw yung padala ko". Confused at first, I wanted myself to obey those nine words but a sudden decision left me again writing to Alex and ignore those messages. Then, my heart's still pounding and I don't know how to make it calm. I plan to get a prescription for this disease but sadly this disease is not recognizable by the doctors which I surely assume that it would only left them the conclusion of me having a brain problem "siraulo" in other term. Overcoming this disease is a big problem for me, symptoms like heart pounding very fast, hands shaking--no--my inside's shaking, sweat coming from my forehead, brain becoming numb and respiratory system is not functioning which leaves me gasping for air.Am i beginning to die?


What I want now is answers in questions like why did he decided to sent me a gift which unlikely me requesting for any gifts for my birthday, why did he sent it at 11:30PM, as far as I know all delivery outlets or branches of LBC are closed and wouldn't even do a requested gift to be send at exactly 12 midnight.And why would Lance texted me this morning and asked if what could Arman bought me for my birthday.I was assuming of things like a big surprise might be waiting outside our house.


I don't want surprises, I did not grow with this stuffs. And plus, it's his attitude of giving me an unpredictable moments. I stepped out on my desk, grabbed my phone and went straight to my room and lie awake.Staring at those messages is like a precious stones or a diamond which I would not fantasize of having one.I'm not a woman who always ask for gifts and presents for birthdays and holidays. I would rather go for a simple gathering with no one else invited but my families only or would rather have nothing.


Clock's ticking and another messages popped out, same message, same sender but different time. I'm starting to put myself to sleep, I was tired of thinking of any ways or anything that might happen starting at that time lapses. Silence is in my room, and I want it this way. I heard the gate open, my sister's laughing and everyone witnessing my shocked face.Footsteps enter the house and I could almost hear the density of that footsteps, I don't like surprises again!! I was facing the wall while in my bed, my back's facing the door.

A trigger in my nape shocked me! A tingling trigger that would bring me back to my senses, like sleeping beauty. A current runs over my body and numbness goes away. This disease is prescribed by a kiss in the nape. Aw! And it was him, the delivery man sent him outside my house. This feeling was the most memorable senses I've ever felt. Which leads me exactly in writing this emotions to Alex (nickname for this note/blog site) And I was healed.Like I said I don't want surprises because my disease would immediately begin,and the only band aid and prescriptions I would certainly be willing to drink or injected was his kiss --from him only.